


Tears in the Rain

by Tarlan



Category: Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic Park III (2001)
Genre: Character Study, Community: smallfandomfest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-16
Updated: 2010-07-16
Packaged: 2017-10-12 23:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rain could hide Alan's tears as he grieved for the loss of Billy, and for all his regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears in the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SmallFandomFest FEST07

The fire on the water had driven off the Spinosaurus for now but Alan knew that might be just a temporary reprieve. For some reason the creature had got their scent and now it was intent on making a meal out of them even though there had to be better and easier prey available. Alan considered the T-Rex that the Spinosaurus had killed only the day before. Surely that should have provided ample feeding to last the huge predator for at least a week, and he wondered if it had taken just a few choice bites before tracking them down again.

The rain had stopped for now but a glance upwards revealed darker clouds moving across the face of the moon, promising more rain to come. With the boat gone they had no choice but to travel on foot for the remainder of the journey to the sea, and on this island that was asking to be a meal for some other nocturnal predator. They needed to find shelter beyond the reach of most predators, especially the chicken-sized Compies which hunted in packs. It meant taking to the trees and climbing as high as they could. The rain had started by the time Alan had led the Kirbys away from the river to where the trees were taller and thicker. The rain made it hard to climb, with his feet slipping on the wet bark but, eventually he pulled himself up onto a higher branch and leaned down to assist the others. Once the Kirbys had continued to climb beyond him, he reached down again without thinking, expecting to accept one more hand grasp, and the pain stabbing into his chest had no physical cause.

There was no other hand reaching back for Billy was gone.

The rain hid his tears of frustration and loss but he still swiped a hand across his eyes furiously, angry at himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. Somehow he had managed to keep control of his grief on the boat, even while talking about Billy to Erik, but now it hit him hard. He had taken Billy so much for granted even though he had treated him more as an equal than as an assistant, giving him free rein over how the dig's money was spent and even sharing the trailer with him. It had been hard when Ellie left the dig after the events at Hammond's Jurassic Park but despite their closeness they would never have moved beyond friendship. With Billy it could have been far different. Alan had never advertised his preference for other men, not wanting to risk his early career and a chance for tenure at a world class college. In contrast, Billy had never felt the need to hide his appreciation of another man, and no one had condemned him for it.

As Alan settled on a wide branch just a few feet below the Kirbys, he felt the first true pangs of regret for never telling Billy how much his presence had both elated and frustrated him in equal measure. He had never found the courage to respond to the subtle flirtation, letting Billy believe that there was no chance for anything more than friendship between them. Yet, each night Alan had lain in his bed--alone--wondering what it would be like to have Billy lying with him. He could imagine the infectious laughter, and his easy smile that melted the heart of even the sternest professor--that had melted his own heart on so many occasions.

If Hammond's Jurassic Park had taught Alan one thing it was that life was too short to waste in self-denial, and that monsters--both prehistoric and modern--could tear apart the best intentions and bring everything to ruin. He should have learned then to grasp happiness when it was offered, and to take a few more risks with his heart, but he had not heeded the lesson. He had let excuse after excuse prevent him from telling Billy how he felt about the younger man--too scared, too old, too set in his ways. He had never given Billy the chance to prove him wrong, and now he never could.

Billy was gone. Lost in the churning of water, blood, beaks, talons and leathery wings.

The rain fell harder, pushing through the canopy of leaves to drench him further. Alan raised his face and let the tears fall. He let the rain wash them away as he sobbed quietly for the time he had wasted and the chances lost, allowing himself this one moment to wallow in his deepest regrets.

****

The fast current carried him away from the Pteranodon's and under the mesh that kept them caged in their giant aviary but Billy was too numb from shock to halt his headlong journey down the river. He barely felt the impact of rocks as he was swept through a series of rapids, with only ingrained survival instincts making him drag air into his lungs each time his head bobbed back to the surface. Eventually the current slowed and Billy brushed up against the floating remains of an uprooted tree. It took the last of his energy to haul himself onto it and he slipped into unconsciousness soon after.

When he awoke, night was falling and with it a light rain that slowly grew in intensity. Even if he had the strength to make for the bank, Billy knew he would fare better if he stayed with the river rather than risk the jungle and its many predators, especially with his many injuries. The river was taking him where he needed to go anyway, taking him towards the sea where Alan and the others would also be heading. He knew there would be predators in the river too but the tree root was broad enough to keep his whole body out of the water, though he could do little to stem the blood droplet trail from too many wounds. Feebly, he tore at some of the tattered remains of his pants and t-shirt, wrapping strips around the worst of the wounds. As night fell, the rain came down harder and Billy raised his head and opened his mouth to quench his thirst, aware that he needed to replenish his fluids from the blood loss. Once or twice he swore he heard the throb of an engine but convinced himself that it was the heavy rain pounding rhythmically upon the rocks or mud banks. He even thought he saw a flare of reddish light in the distance, like fire, but it was most likely a lightning strike, with the flames quickly snuffed by the relentless downpour.

Strangely, his own plight held little fear for him, with all his concerns caught up on a man he had come to love over the past two years. Alan was out there somewhere, probably still clinging onto the raptor eggs that Billy had foolishly stolen from the nesting site. Over the past two years he had caught Alan watching him covertly, seen him concealing his interest in a sham of indifference, but the look Alan gave him when he discovered the eggs was still breaking Billy's heart. Alan's harsh words hurt far more than any of Billy's injuries, if only because Billy hated how he had disappointed Alan, and he wished he could turn back the clock and leave those eggs behind. Even his last sight of Alan--eyes wide in horror and shouting out his name in fear--could not make up for that look of anger and disappointment.

Billy knew the chances of any of them getting off of this island alive had never been that good, but for once he wished they could have beaten those odds. He had hoped he could find Alan and some how find a way to earn his forgiveness.

Half huddled within the rotting roots, he drifted in and out of consciousness as the rain continued to fall through the seemingly endless night. When the first streaks of the dawn cast a gray light over the widening river, a flash of beige caught his eye and Billy struggled to grasp the hat caught up against his makeshift raft. He held tight to this little piece of Alan as he slowly drifted towards the sea.

****

With the velociraptors surrounding them, Alan knew they were in desperate trouble. He pulled the eggs out of Billy's camera bag carefully and gave them to Mrs. Kirby, but then froze. His heart jumped into his throat as he caught sight of the resonating chamber that Billy had prototyped for him as a surprise gift. The image of Billy blowing into it came back so strongly; the way he had looked at that moment, almost childlike in a desire to please...and oh so beautiful.

Alan put the chamber to his lips and blew--the sound bringing back haunting memories both good and bad, and yet the remembrance of Billy with his eyes shining in both triumph and pleasure easily outweighed even this fear-filled moment.

"Call for help!" Kirby whispered, and Alan recalled the barking sound made by the trapped velociraptor. If Alan had been a religious man then he might have believed Billy was watching over them at that moment, for his call for help was answered. The velociraptor's fled with their eggs in one direction while Alan and the Kirbys ran in another, towards the sea and the sound of a distant helicopter. They were saved, and though Alan should have felt grateful, he knew he was leaving his heart behind on this island.

"Doctor Grant, is this man with you?"

Alive. Billy was alive.

Alan knew he was sporting a stupid smile as he was ushered back to his seat so the helicopter could take off, still clutching his hat. He caught Erik grinning at him and had to duck his head to hide his happiness, covering his embarrassment by donning his hat. Last night he had silently cried out all his regrets in the rain and now he had a chance to banish them forever. When the helicopter landed on the deck of the ship, Alan refused to move until they carried Billy out, following the stretcher as it was taken down narrow corridors to the ship's medical section.

"Alan?"

"I'm here." He reached out and grabbed Billy's weakly flailing hand, lacing their fingers. "You left me with the damn tourists. I'm not going anywhere without you again." He wrapped his other hand over their clasped hands, holding on tight to reinforce his words with actions.

Billy stared hard at him, fear mingling with growing hope and Alan discovered that he no longer cared about his career and prestigious tenure, that none of it compared to this need for the man he held onto so tightly. He saw the exact moment that Billy understood, saw the lines of fear smooth away and light fill the pain-dulled eyes. Billy's lips were chapped and raw against his own, and yet Alan could not recall any kiss better than this brief touch of lips and all that it represented for both of them.

Behind them someone cleared their throat but Alan was reluctant to look away.

"Sir, I need to see to both your injuries... but especially to Mr. Brennan's."

"Yes. Of course." Alan stepped back.

"Doctor Grant. You need to let go."

As the ship's doctor began to work on Billy, he let go of Billy's hand with great reluctance, but no force on earth or heaven was going to make him leave Billy's side. Not now that he had found him again.

****

Billy could feel the slight sway beneath him and, for one moment, he thought he had only been dreaming of being rescued. It had been such a vivid dream though; of hands pulling him from the river, of raised voices calling for a medic, and the welcome thrum of a helicopter drawing in and landing, whipping up the sand on the beach. He had dreamed of Alan too, live and whole, finding Billy on board the helicopter. The joyous relief in Alan's blue eyes--full of love and forgiveness--had stripped away all of Billy's fears.

He remembered a kiss too, of chapped lips brushing against his, full of promise. But it was all just a glorious dream.

"Billy?"

Billy frowned. Alan? He forced his eyes open, and when he felt the soft brush of Alan's rough lips against his for a second time, he knew all his dreams had finally come true.

END


End file.
